Book review: Working with Boys by Andrew Hampton
Dr Ian Hopkinson, 2025-11-14
As a parent this book is not aimed at me, nevertheless I found it useful and interesting. My son, now 13, is at online school so I am relatively involved in his education. Unlike maths, English, the sciences and so forth I have no idea what is involved in PSHE lessons. My son is awaiting assessment for autism, so it is interesting to see how this fits too. On this front Hampton comes out well - he is clearly concerned with how children experience school and their wellbeing. Channelling my own inner autistic, I can see the benefit of this course, it makes explicit the social rules that autistic people find challenging. However, some of the recommended class discussions might be quite difficult for neurodiverse children.
The book is divided into three parts, the first is a set of short chapters on relationships between boys the second part converts these chapters into lesson plans. The course is aimed at the autumn term of Year 7 and is based on guided reflection, that is to say the material is largely generated by the students with the guidance of the teacher rather than the teacher teaching directly. In fact, Hampton warns teachers that they will find this difficult and will attempt to teach! As well as a core lesson plan, which is generally a preamble followed by a “Question Chain” designed to stimulate discussion, there are boxes on adapting material for years 5 and 6, year 8 and extension material. For years 5 and 6 the general theme is to do more teaching. For Year 8 it is often a recap of earlier material but with some adaptions for children deeper into adolescence.
The final part of the book proposes a survey to see the impact of the lessons which I find interesting because it probes how pupils feel and their wellbeing. An afterword contains a short rant on the National Curriculum and the low priority afforded to PSHE – I don’t use the term “rant” pejoratively.
The central thesis of the book is that rape culture arises from relationships between boys as a result of them trying to impress each other. Hampton sees boys’ relationships as being either “gentle” or “sour” and the goal is to steer them towards the “gentle”. Boys form larger, hierarchical groups than girls with position in the hierarchy determined by banter/humour. Those at the top of the hierarchy influence the tenor of the relationships in the gentle or sour directions. Boys fear humiliation most of all since this lowers their position in the hierarchy. Hampton notes that in his other work on childrens’ relationships that girls fear isolation most.
Hampton uses this fear of humiliation to interpret types of misbehaviour. I think this is interesting since neurodiverse children are much more frequently suspended or excluded than neurotypical and this could be because teachers are punishing on the basis of an assumption of malice when more is going on. This fear of humiliation is an example of what more could be going on.
The years around Year 7 are important in that they are when boys’ masculinity develops, and once it has developed it is likely a number of years before it will change. It is also a time when motivation changes, to a degree boys of this age are motivated not to do what is desired of them by adults – they are more interested by the desires of their peers. They start to find competition challenging because lower rankings can lead to loss of status. This is unfortunate in a school environment where behaviour, attendance and academic achievement are all cast as competitions for highest marks. I know this played heavily on my son’s mind.
Hampton states here that forming social connections is the highest priority at this age, I wonder whether this is necessarily true for neurodiverse children. He comes back to this in lesson plans where he talks about digital device time where he says it isn’t an addiction to devices but to the friends inside them. I think this is a very interesting viewpoint.
There is a chapter on pornography, in some ways this is central to the challenge addressed by this book. The real damage is done when banter between boys becomes pornography and is ultimately reflected in their treatment of girls. Hampton’s prescription here is to follow the successful approach to drugs which focuses on reducing damage rather than prohibition.
Finally, there are chapters on football and the importance of PE teachers. Football because the professional game can set a bad example to children in terms of professional fouls (cheating) and fan behaviour. Playground football can lead to anger and violence. He sees PE teachers as important because sport provides those children who will never succeed academically something in which to excel. For me PE at school was a miserable experience until Sixth Form since it involved frequent humiliation by my peers in team sports!
A concern I have over the course is that girls are a ballast in the process; it is clear that it is designed to be delivered in co-educational environments, but it is very much focused on boys. Girls are expected to provide opinion on boy's relationships and perhaps compare them to their own relationships. Hampton has a parallel course, Girls on Board, for girls so in practice they could be delivered together so no one feels left out.
Overall a very interesting read, even for a parent.
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